I Tore You Apart in My Head
by PurpleLightsGleam
Summary: Tate has been acting strange and Violet won't stand for what she suspects is happening. He loves her, right?
1. Chapter 1

Gasps echoed throughout Violet's bedroom as her and Tate showed their love for each other for definitely not first time that day.

"I love you so much, Violet," Tate whispered in her hair as they both came down from their highs. She just nodded in response and reached for her pack of cigarettes. He fell to the side of her and watched the way she exhaled the smoke. He was fearful of being sent away, which was usually the way times like this ended. She turned and smiled at him. He knew how she got pleasure from his pain and as much as he wanted to please her, sometimes he just wanted to stay with her after she used him.

"Tate?" It was the first thing she had said to him since she appeared in the doorway for her obvious reasons. She sucked in more smoke through her thin lips. "I don't want you to go away anymore."

"Does this mean you forgive me?" He quickly inquired. She just giggled at his eagerness to be around her. She had come to terms with the fact that she needed him and as much as she wanted to continue denying it, she couldn't. She hadn't spoken to her parents in years and it's not like they came looking for her ever. It didn't matter anymore that they were all dead. She didn't care. She didn't care if her parents forgave him, nor did she wish they would. It gave her a rush knowing how bad she was being and 30 years of death hadn't made her more companionate.

"I can't live without you," she confessed as they burst into laughter. She stared into his eyes and snuggled closer to him. Her body since she had died was always so cold yet somehow he managed to stay at a normal body temperature. Things would be better from now on. Not caring had always made violets life better. She reached up to press her lips too his. Thing would be perfect, she thought.

As the weeks went on Violet saw less and less of Tate and he began coming less when she called for him. Her suspicions were high and she couldn't stand not mentioning it.

"Tate, where have you been the past week?"

"Just here… with you." She detected a small amount of nervousness in his voice.

"Really? You wouldn't ever lie to me again, right? You wouldn't do anything to risk our relationship again?" She felt his body tense up against hers and she knew that something was wrong.

"Vi, why would you think that?" he all but yelled at her. She sat up and scooted in front of him. "What are you implying?"

"Why are you getting so defensive if it's nothing? You haven't been around at all and when you are you never want to have sex anymore. What happened? Did you suddenly lose your sex drive? I know you can't go more than two days without going crazy. Tell me what's going on. Am I not enough for you? Are you just getting off by yourself?" she could feel tears form in her eyes at the accusation she was making.

"Violet…" he whispered. "I love to have sex with you but we don't have to do it all the time. I thought you'd think I was just using you and I'd never want you to think that."

"Bullshit, Tate. That is bullshit! You and I both know it! Tell me what you've been up to." She pulled her arms around her body shielding herself from him.

"I have to go," Tate blurted and before she could protest he vanished. Violet just sat there for a while then slowly curled up under the covers. Tears began pouring from her eyes as the pain settled in. After all Tate went through to get her back why would he cheat on her? He practically worshiped her, he couldn't do that, could he? Violet sighed and decided she should sleep on it.

She woke in the middle of the night to find a pair of arms draped around her. She spun around to see Tate laying there with his eyes closed.

"Tate." His eyes opened slowly and apologetic words formed on his lips. "Go away."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The inspiration for the title is a song by Balance and Composure. It reminds me of Tate and Violet every time I hear it.**

Violet stayed in her room all the next day drifting in and out of consciousness. Every time she woke up she was burden with thoughts of what Tate could be doing at that very moment. She decided to go to the basement to see if he was willing to talk to her. Maybe he could explain why he had seemed so guilty yesterday.

Sure enough his voice boomed from down the narrow stairway. Violet took a deep breath and made her way down. She had no idea what to expect to find. There weren't many attractive women in the house. Not to mention they are all way out of his age range. Who would he be cheating with?

"I'm so happy for us," he was saying, "this is finally happening for you." Who was he talking to? Violet pressed her chest to the cold wall and tried to peer around it. She got a glimpse of blonde curls and her heart was in her throat. Nothing could have helped at this moment, when she let out an audible gasp as she saw Tate and a very pregnant Nora sitting there. Tate's head spun around and he was obviously shocked that she had come looking for him.

"Vi, hey."

"Don't Tate, just don't."

"Don't what? You know I love you. I was just giving Nora what she's always wanted. Once she's happy she can stop crying all the time and anyway it's for the benefit of everyone."

"Tate, she's like your fucking mother! This is disgusting. How could you do this to me?" Tears threatened to escape her red, hurt eyes.

"Violet you did this to yourself. It's all your fault. How am I supposed to love someone so broken? You can't expect me to." His words hurt worse than the actions he had betrayed her with.

"You are more broken than I am! What are you talking about?" Now her face was covered in streaming tears. How could he do this to her? This wasn't like him. She collapsed to the ground in a pile of tears and regret.

"It's all your fault!" The words echoed in her head. Suddenly she sprung upwards. She was in her bed, a puddle of sweat surrounding her. It was just a dream, she thought. She stumbled out of bed and went to the bathroom. She ran the hot water and watched the tub fill up. After carefully stepping into the water and sinking down into the warmth she remembered what she had left under her shampoo bottle. She lifted it to reveal the shinning pieces of metal. She thought of how Tate hated finding new scars and scabs on her arms when they would be getting hot and heavy.

She took the razor and slowly let it sink its teeth into her sink. The fiery feeling only lasted a second. She started with her stomach and made a straight line then another across the top. Before she realized what she had done it spelled T-A-T-E in droplets of blood. She liked the way it looked. She craved more stinging and then moved to her arms which then turned into her legs as well. She didn't know if he would like it or not but she didn't plan on showing him ever. She knew the scars would fade anyway which would only be in a few hours due to her fast healing skin. She washed the blood away and wrapped a towel around her small body.

She still couldn't shake the feeling that there could have been some truth to her dream. She finally decided that she should watch Tate today and see what he's doing that's so bad he'd rather run off than talk about it.

She found him in the basement sleeping on the floor. She stayed invisible incase he awoke. She sat in front of him for an hour or so waiting for him to move. She was feeling very impatient. Her temper got the best of her and she knocked over a shelf of jars. The loud sound startled him awake. Violet smiled to herself. Tate got up and walked up the stairs. She followed him for hours but he did nothing but average things. She finally got tired of him reading the same book for two hours. Just as she was about to give up he slammed the book closed. At first she thought she might have slipped up and revealed herself but she knew she didn't. He got up off the couch and vanished to her room.

He looked panicked as he raced around trying to find her. When he came up with nothing he went into a bedroom he had already checked. When he locked the door Violet got closer to him. She watched as he opened a drawer and pulled out a little bag of white powder. It caused a pang of sadness to see him lining up a row made of the whole bag. She wondered if it gave him the same high dead. She knew she should do the right thing and appear to stop him.

She was lost in her thoughts until she heard him start pounding his hand on the table violently. She was too late to stop him.

"Tate, No, stop!" she yelled as she appeared. He just sat there, he didn't even turn around.

"Violet?" she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Tate, what are you doing?" she asked calmly. She felt his body tense up and then relax. A strange expression she didn't recognize was plastered on his face.

"Vi, Vi, Vi, where have you been? I missed you," he captured her lips with his. Her first reaction was to kiss him back but the pain he had caused her the past few days couldn't be forgotten so easily.

"Stop, this isn't why I'm here," she tried to pull back from him but his grip was too strong.

"Oh, but Violet, why else would you come looking for me if not for this?"He whispered in her ear. He smashed his lips against hers once again. She struggled against him but couldn't break free. Her head collided with a wall and he had her pinned against it with no room for escaping. She made noises of disapproval and he grabbed the bottom of her cardigan and pulled it off her.

"Tate, you're hurting me," she cried. He looked down at her and his eyes feasted upon the scabbed over lines that coated her skin. "Tate" it read over and over and over again. The sight sobered him up a little, at least enough to loosen his grip on her wrists. Violet wasn't wasting anything as she ran out the door crying harder than ever before.

Once she was in her room she fell onto the bed. She looked around. Everything in here reminded her of him. She began ripping items from the top of her dresser and throwing them about the room.

"Fuck you, Tate!" she huffed. Being high was no excuse for assaulting her. She knew how cocaine affected him. Normally it left him angry and more empty feeling than before. She paced back and forth for hours, thoughts racing.

A small folded piece of paper slid under the door. Violet froze and waited until he was sure he was gone.

"_Vi, I'm so sorry. Please let me in. I can explain." _


	3. Chapter 3

"Why didn't you just tell me? Why did you lie about this, Tate? I just don't understand you sometimes." Violet had already regretted giving Tate a chance to explain himself.

"Violet, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I keep fucking hurting you. I'm sick of it! I want to stop lying, stop killing, and stop hurting you altogether. I love you so much…" His eyes swelled up with tears and he pulled on the blonde curls that fell around his face.

"So you've been off getting high on coke while I've been here alone wondering where the fuck you were! I wanna help you quit. I'll do anything to help you; you should have come to me first. You keep making these stupid fucking choices." Her words caused a flare of anger to spark in him. He was mostly angry at himself and the emotion was very present in his eyes. Violet was still a bit afraid of him after what had happened the night before. He would never try to force her into anything normally. When she saw angry rise in his eyes she took a few stepped back. She was terrified of it happening again.

"Vi, no don't be scared. I'm sorry. I feel so bad about what happened last night." He was crying now, out of sadness and anger. "I'll never do it again. Don't worry, I'll stop, I'll stop doing it. I'll quit. I'll do it for you, anything for you, Violet," He choked on more sobs. The intensity of his promises he was spouting out cause her eyes to start to water.

"Tate.." She dug up the courage to get closer to him. "Please, give me the cocaine. I'll get rid of it for you. Where did you even get it?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and retrieved the bag of white powder. "Some jerk-off my mom is sleeping with now. He was leaving her house and I saw him pull some out of his jacket…so, so I got him to start selling it to me." He sniffled a little and it seemed to end his tears. "That's why I wasn't having sex with you Vi, this shit, it, it gets to me. I can't exactly 'perform' when it's still in my system."

"Thank god," she said with a sigh of relief. She put her small arms around him and buried her head in his neck.

"Did you really think I could cheat on you, Violet?" he laughed slightly. It wasn't a good thing how easily she could forgive him. She knew it too but that never stopped her from crawling back to him after everything. They both had a too much power over one another. They didn't need each other but they had built up some illusion that they did. They simply wanted each other for reasons sometimes no one knew. Maybe it was the darkness that had absorbed into her and his that was always there.

The next day Tate went to violet's room like they had agreed. He'd stay there until it was all completely out of his system. Because he was dead everything was faster than being alive. He thought it would take five days so get clean compared to his many alive attempts that had lasted no more than ten.

He found her lying on her bed. She was staring at the ceiling and he immediately saw the look in her eyes. He knew what she had done.

"Violet, what the hell? Did you fucking snort that shit you were supposed to get rid?" He yelled at her but her expression didn't change.

"I wanted to feel what you were feeling. I won't do it again, oh my god. I just wanted to kind of 'quit with you'." She jumped up and grabbed Tate's shoulders. "I fucking love you." She crashed her lips onto his and all but jumped into his arms. He knew he shouldn't have left it up to miss self-destruction to get rid of his drugs. He knew how fucked up their relationship was and at this point it had hit an all time record. Violet let her hands wander under his shirt. Suddenly she pulled away from him.

"I can't wait until you can finally get it up because I have been missing you and your cock," She giggled and fell back onto the bed. He laughed as he realized how embarrassed she would be when she came down. He joined her on the bed and they sat entwined in each other's limbs for the rest of the night.

**A/N: I feel like this story really sucks and I kind of regret starting it but I also like it and want to continue writing it. If I do there will probably only be about three more chapters left. Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

The next week went by slower than Tate ever could have thought possible. The only thing that got him through it was Violet's sweet voice whispering in his ear and holding him close. The instant he could stand up on his own again it was like the world became clear again. He saw Violet's face in a new light.

"Vi, you saved me again." He whispered to her.

"I know, it's become a bad habit, I probably should just let you wither away in pain and suffering next time." She laughed coldly.

"I'm sorry I keep fucking things up." His voice cracked with sadness. A tear slide down his cheek and Violet couldn't help but trace its trail with her tongue.

"Shhhhh," she didn't want to hear him talk. All she wanted now was to enjoy their first time together in weeks. He took the hint and pulled her onto his lap. Their lips pressed against each other and the energy zapped between them. Her small hand flew up the back of his shirt and yanked it over his head. As much as she hated Tate, she had to admit she also really loved him.

**A/N: Okay, I'm done with this story. I feel really uninspired by this particular theme. You can read some of my other stories that I am working on now. Review please!**


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